Like the beach, only worse

Eyes fluttered open.  Pain.  Which means I'm alive.  But I'm in pain and immobile and flat on my back.  I lay there in recovery, not moving, waiting for a nurse to come over.  She asks me what my pain level is, and I tell her it's a 9.  She says that's too high and I have to wait for it to come down.  Eyes close again.

I wake, not sure how much longer later.  I notice I have not one but two i.v.s, one in my right hand and one on my left arm.  The nurse stops by again, asks my pain level.  I again, tell her it's a 9.  She again tells me it's too high, though she informs me that my hair looks amazing.  I'm not kidding.  She tells me that it looks like I could walk out and go to a club, and that hair never looks that good post op.  Not caring, I pass back out.

When I wake the third time, I again get seen by the nurse.  I ask how soon I can get out of recovery and up to my room to see my family, and she says, "..when your pain level decreases," at which point she asks it.  I tell her it's a 6 (it was still a 9) just so I could get transferred up to a room.  She calls for transport, and I'm on the move.

As I get wheeled on my bed into the elevator, I notice we are headed to the fifth floor.  Normally I've been on the second floor when I've had surgery with Dr. Lee, and I'm not quite sure why we're headed that much further up.  Once on the floor, I'm wheeled into a room much like Surgical Step Down at Vassar, with a nurses station in the center, 24 hour care, and 5 or 6 bed slots.  As I'm being wheeled in the door, I feel my catheter bag get caught on the door, so I let out a bit of a yelp.  The guy wheeling me asks what's going on, and I told him, and he rearranges my bed and tells me not to worry, that it wouldn't really have pulled out.  Easy for him to say, he didn't feel the tug of the line as it got caught on the door frame.  But I got placed into slot 4, and soon thereafter, in walk Mom, Dad, Aunt Donna, and Joe.  What a welcome sight.

All ask how I'm doing, and are happy to see I've come out of it okay.  I ask where I am, and I'm told by my nurse Rich that I'm in the spinal trauma unit.  Normally if I was on a different pain medication, I'd be on a different floor, but since they had me on ketamine and phentanol, the ketamine had to have continuous monitoring for the first 24 hours that it's being put into my veins.  My 'neighbor' in bed slot #5 is Amish.  His parents came in from Michigan because of his spinal injury.  He was a new father, and his wife was there with their 2 week old baby.  Apparently, his horse acted up and he ended up having an accident and broke the tendons/ligaments in his neck, and if I remember correctly, he broke his back as well, so again, when everyone thinks I've gone through the ringer, remember him in prayer.  He's looking at a 6 month recovery with a brand new baby and young wife.  He'll have some obstacle to overcome.  His family took him home after only 48 hours because his mom said he'd recover better at home, and I have no doubt she's correct.

So Mom tells me my surgery went well.  It was shorter than anticipated because, well, it ended up being a different surgery than originally anticipated.  Dr. Polynice had drawn a diagram thingie to show Mom and Dad what happened instead of what was planned.  Originally, I was supposed to have the gracilis muscle taken from my thigh, but when Dr. Lee opened me up, they solved the answer to one of the problems I've been having.  Wait for it, wait for it.....my uterus had tipped over!!!!!  Yes, that is worthy of five exclamation points.  Apparently, where my large intestine used to be was a large empty void (kind of like my head on most nights) and my uterus decided to be lazy and take a nice long nap.  It laid down in the hole where my intestine used to be and was kinda stuck to the pelvic floor next to the sinus tract that needed to be removed.  When Dr. Polynice saw this, he realized it needed to be propped back up, and my gracilis muscles weren't going to be sufficient enough to do it, so they took one of my abdominal muscles instead.  Everyone has two rectus abdominus muscles, better known as the 6 pack muscles.  The left one of mine (the side under my heart) helps to support my stoma, so they detached the right hand one at the top and flipped it upside down, threading it behind my uterus, and eventually stuffing it down into the sinus tract area of the rectal spot that wasn't healing.  Technically, they killed two birds with one stone, or rather, filled two holes with one muscle.  Dr. Polynice filled the now missing muscle space on the right side of my abdomen with some sterilized pork tissue stuff.  Does this mean when I sweat I'll smell like bacon?  Boy, that'll get me a husband in no time!  And the further good news in all of this?  My value for black market spare body parts has decreased that much more. 

Okay, so back to post op.  Within five minutes of being in the room and getting settled, they bring in a new bed, but it's not just any bed.  Oh no, it's some special fancy schmancy bed that all of the nursing staff seems to be in envy over for me.  Apparently, the bed is called a cavillon or something like that, and it's filled with sand and is hard as a rock, but the minute they plug it in, it becomes like a sandstorm under your body, 'gently cradling it and promoting healing.'  They told me it's like experiencing a water bed.  I protested being transferred, but they insisted and before too many more minutes had passed, a moving crew had passed me from my air bed into this sand bed.  I was in too much pain to notice, but soon I'd find out.  The bed was like the beach, only worse....

in the illustrious words of Monty Python...

And now for something completely different. 

I blog for family, friends, and self.  It's not necessarily therapy for me, but I've been hoping over the year I've been doing it that it wasn't just people I knew who had been reading it and upping my visitor count.  I've hoped that someone would find my blog who might be inspired, uplifted, encouraged, able to be helped in any way.  How excited was I that I got an email the other night from a gentleman who stumbled upon it through google searching. 

People ask me frequently if I ever blame or question God for what has happened to me over the years.  They say I have a right to be upset, and wonder why it isn't time for someone else to deal with an issue and for me to have a break.  For everyone who has questioned, I always reply the same.  If God can use me as a witness to anyone, so be it, and that I'm sure there is someone out there who is worse off than I.  And for all who think what I've been through is a lot, the man who contacted me puts me to shame.  I won't disclose personal details, but it's pretty remarkable that he is alive to even speak with me regarding his case. 

Basically, he was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in 2010, they tried every form of medication, and within a month he was in surgery.  They created a J pouch (common for Ulcerative Colitis), it went bad, and there were complications.  He had 4 major surgeries within a few weeks, including 3 in 3 days, went septic, went hemmoragic, ended up needing 30 pints of blood transfused, had a lung collapse, ended up on dialysis, and somehow managed to stay alive.  But through it all he managed to keep his strength and faith in the Lord.  Here is someone, wife, 5 sons, who could easily question God, blame God, get angry at God for the burden to himself, his family, his church, but instead found the blessing through it all.  His testimony astounds me and makes me feel remorseful for every time I've felt even the slightest bit sorry for myself.   

Why did he contact me, you might ask?  Well, come to find out he's not healing either from his last surgery, and will be undergoing the same surgery I will but a bit later on.  He too will be getting the gracilis cut out and stuffed in places unmentionable.  He too will have the worry and wonder of whether this one will be the one to work, or whether he'll be looking at more surgery down the road.  As nice as it is sometimes to know I'm not the only one going through it is as sad as it makes me to hear he is facing the exact same thing.  I would never wish this on my worst enemy, let alone a loving husband and father of five. 

I will be going through surgery before he, and hopefully will be able to give him pointers on the recovery, and be able to encourage his spirit and lift him up in prayer.  Afterall, who knows better than someone who has just gone through it? 

So every time you think of me, think of him too.  Think of how far he has come, and yet how far he still has to go.  Think of what he has to lose and how he still has chosen not to.  And though things in your life might not seem great at times, remember there is always, ALWAYS someone worse off than you are.  Life will work out.  Things will turn around and look up.  Just trust in the power of the Lord and put your faith and hope in him. 

Much love always,

B

so...

A doctor walks into a room.  He talks to the patient about the newest surgery that's going to be needed, and asks about the patient's ileostomy and whether it's working well or not.  She assures him it is, but that healing after surgery is going to be a crap shoot.  He looks at her, deadpan, and says "literally."

ba dum ching!

get it?  ileostomy?  as a crap shoot?  oh, forget it. 

Honestly, I had an interesting meeting with Dr. Lee yesterday.  It was the first meeting I was going into where I already knew what was going to happen, what needed to be said, so nerves really weren't that high.  Truthfully, I'm kind of taking this surgery in stride.  That's not to say that it's not going to be a major major surgery, which it will, but how else can I view it but with humor?

The crap shoot?  Yeah, had Dr. Lee laughing with that one.  When we discussed what Dr. Polynice was going to do to my thighs, and that only one might be involved?  I again had Dr. Lee laughing and shaking his head when I said "I don't care if he does both.  At least then they'll be even!"  And later, when discussing which surgeon would be doing what, in my oh-so-delicate manner, I said "And you'll be reaming me out" much to Dr. Lee's amusement.  Sometimes I think he's not quite sure how to take me, but at least I can stay positive and joke about it, and I think that might be refreshing?  Beats me. 

So the surgery is going to be a bit bigger than expected, which is fine with me.  Dr. Lee is of the opinion (as am I) that as long as I'm under, it's better to open me up abdominally and make sure there is NOTHING overlooked.  It would suck to do this surgery without the abdominal component, and 3 months later develop another sinus from whatever would still be going on abdominally that we happened to overlook.  So Dr. Lee is going to cut the gut, make sure that's okay inside and if it's not, fix whatever is wrong.  Then he's going to open up and ream out my rectal sinus that's not healing, and he'll be closing me up abdominally while Dr. Polynice and his team will start with the gracilis cutting and stuffing into the butt.  The new expectation of time, with two surgical crews working on me simultaneously, is 6ish hours, give or take depending on what Dr. Lee finds abdominally. 

Surgery is scheduled for September 14th at this point, which means I get to do the dash AND have my birthday before going under the knife again.  That alone makes me happy. 

I started training last Sunday with my little walking group.  We're planning on continuing every Sunday until the dash to improve our strength and time.  I'll post separately regarding training. 

So that is all for now.  No more follow up appointments until my pre surgical workup, the week of.  I get to enjoy the summer, work hard at training, and get myself in great shape before surgery. 

Love to all and thanks for the thoughts and prayers.  Now for training and Chocolate milk, hummus and hula.  Whatever I can do to keep in shape and kick that dash's tush. 

kiss.hug.love

B

no more thigh master for me...

the horror!  not that I did it anyway.  Ever.  But at least for a while, Suzanne Somer's miracle thigh thingie and I will not be formally acquainted.

So I went to see Dr. Polynice today.  And, it's not an if, it's officially a when.  I will be needing surgery.  It will involve one, or possibly both of my thighs.  And the research that I did, though competent for healing other more shallow types of wounds, would not in fact work on my tush.  The GOOD thing is, I will not be getting my butt cheek peeled off and stitched back on like I had found in my research of the gracilis muscle surgery for the perineal sinus region.  At least my cheeks stay intact, and I'm sooooo happy about that.

So this is what's going on.  Essentially, I'm "almost" healing from below, but there is granular tissue inside that has formed a pocket of non-healing area.  It's like the tissue is too saturated by itself to fully knit together.   What happens, what I presumed to be pus, is actually sloughing of the granular tissue to the outside.  Had the hole completely closed off like it was supposed to, it would have formed a large and nasty abscess.  So, in this case, not completely healing was a blessing.

Surgery, again at Albany Med, will go something like this: a 5ish hour surgery during which both Dr. Lee and Dr. Polynice will scrub in.  My tush will once again be excised by Dr. Lee, clearing out any of the nasty non-healing tissue.  Dr. Polynice will cut into one (or both) of my thighs.  There will be an incision made from the inner thigh/groin area down about 1/3 of the way, and another one down by my knee.  The one by my knee will disconnect the gracilis muscle ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gracilis_muscle) from its attachment at the bottom, and the upper incision will allow Dr. Polynice to thread the muscle (one of the less necessary adductor muscles) through the pelvis and into the pocket of non healing area in the perineal sinus area.  Because the muscle is still connected at the upper end of the leg, it will have its own blood supply, thus stimulating proper healing and tissue growth in the sinus and healing this issue up once and for all.  He may need to cut into both thighs if the muscle from just one isn't sufficient enough to fill up however big the hole is internally. 

I asked about success rate, and though this isn't a common surgery to be performed, Dr. Polynice has had complete success with it.  Let's hope my body allows that track record to continue.  Healing/recovery time is looking like a few days in the hospital, a few weeks at home with drains in the leg and probably the sinus area, and hopefully total healing within a month.  Hopefully.  That's if my body decides to fully accept the surgery this time.  But at least Dr. Polynice has been forewarned about my lack of healing prowess :)

There is no surgery date set yet.  I go back to see Dr. Lee and Jody on Thurs (May 5) and I'm assuming we'll go from there for scheduling. 

That is all for now, folks.  In the meantime, I'm starting training (walking) this Sunday for the dash.  I've gotten myself a kickin' set of ankle weights with adjustable weight pockets, so they can range from nothing to 2.5 lbs per leg.  As I get more into training, those things will whip my legs into shape really quickly.  And I got a 5lb kettle bell, since I have a love affair with them, and I fully intend to start using that to strengthen core and upper body. 

Will post after Sunday, and again on Thursday.

Much love,

B

Oh, and with this being my 4th surgery at AMC, do I get my free vacation now?  I really think they owe me one after 4 surgeries in a year and a half.  Maybe they should send me on one just to keep me away from it, like a bribe to heal.  "If you promise to heal and NOT come back, we'll send you away for a week to some place tropical, where no one cares if you're already missing organs."  Sweet.  I'd buy into that club any day. 

Oh, and extra added bonus.  There's not much of me left that anyone could sell on the black market, so I never have to worry about the urban legend of the ice in the bathtub.  Extra added bonus :)